I spent a half hour playing Zork 1 last night. Brought back some good memories.

I’ve been working out and running a lot for the last couple of months. As I start to get into shape after a lifetime of neglecting my body I find that I’m eating better too. Not really trying so much as just naturally going with the flow. So this morning, after eating a tasty bowl of Heart to Heart, I thought I would make myself a nice healthy turkey sandwich to take to work for lunch.

I toasted some sourdough bread (yum, my favorite) and spread on some mayo and mustard (on both slices thank you). I sliced up half a tomato and added a little onion. Then a slice of pepper jack. No lettuce. Lettuce isn’t food, don’t get me started. While putting on the turkey I noticed a slight vinegar smell, like something fermenting. Knowing full well that meat can’t ferment I proceeded to taste test the turkey by giving it a lick. Tasted fine, so I finished making my sandwich and went to work.

Round about 11:30 I whipped out the old turkey sandwich and chowed down. I was hungry so it didn’t take me long to eat it. After finishing it, my mind slowly registered that the sandwich had had a bouquet I can only describe as assy. This assy-ness obviously wasn’t enough to make me notice while I was scarfing it, just enough to notice as an after taste.

This is when I thought maybe I should tell someone in case I had just ingested something dangerous, so I told my brother about this over instant messenger. He informed me that, yes indeed, meat can ferment, especially poultry and fish. I should only suffer from a bit of gas.

About an hour after eating is when I noticed the first rumblings. “Here comes the gasâ€?, I thought to myself. Soon it felt like I actually had some sort of live animal in my gut. Like a huge angry pig. He was not pleased. Not one bit. It only took about 5 minutes before this beast had had enough and started to plan it’s escape.

Apparently there’s some sort of emergency escape route out of my stomach, because I felt something lurch and start to descend rapidly through my system. All I could do was make a run for it, so run I did. Luckily I made it.

That was an hour ago and things have settled down a bit now. I won’t go into the rest of the gory details, but I will say this: If you’re in need of a good colonic cleansing, and ColonBlow doesn’t work for you, just leave some turkey in the fridge a little longer than normal. Then ignore all the telltale signs of decay and eat it anyway.

We spent this past weekend at the FarmBoyz‘ kick-ass Labor Day Party. I re-uploaded all my pictures tonight, cuz I fucked up the first batch yesterday. There are also a ton more photos from everybody else that went.